Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
