I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
