If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
