God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
