I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
