i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
