You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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