There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
