her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
