i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
