ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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