omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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