im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this will be a night to untag.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
