How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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