I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
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She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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