a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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