no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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