eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
