he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
