I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
