True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
