On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honey bunches of taint.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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