What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
