Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
