i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
