dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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