The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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