dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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