He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
