It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
