it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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