you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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