Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i will never coherently bang her
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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