The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
