I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
