I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
