Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
