We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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