Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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