My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
