At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
