I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
false alarm. still invincible.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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