i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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