We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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