I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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