i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
