i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
