So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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