so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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