I'm gonna have a badass scar
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
