they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
