the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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