Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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