Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
