This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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