Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
