Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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