omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
