i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
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