You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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