I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
