At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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