she looked like the before picture.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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