Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
