I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
