is your mom at the bar?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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