he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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