I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
