i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
