peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
