dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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