i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize