he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
